half • alive - Night Swims (poem)

I went to the beach recently
But by the beach, I mean the bay
By recent, I mean July
I walk there, shed everything I don't need
Stepping into the water, into expanse of thoughtlessness
Where no single thing operates me
The water is getting deeper
And I feel the sand beneath my toes turn to mud
And I walk until I can't touch anymore
I'm seeking something, but settling for nothing
Except to float

Night swims
A darker summer night, just a silver spoon of Moon
Cradling navy blue night sky
I think of God, and I think of my ex
And the two of them rally back and forth for a while

Night swims
A blanket of top waters, patterned with pure reflections
And in the distance
The muffled symphony of persons worrying is somehow comforting
To know it's not only me
So I slip beneath the surface
I leave the sand, and I feel the current take me
A distant pulsing beat, chatter melts into a mumble
For a moment it's simple, for a moment
I swear I can feel the world spinning
A night swim's what I needed

Sometimes the only way to stop thinking, but under the horizon
That's when I really start breathing
By breathing, I mean feeling everything and nothing simultaneously
By simultaneous, I mean miscellaneous
The vast variety of unknown swimming to expand the radius
Swimming in the craziness, but not becoming it

I'm taking night swims away from the lights
Because simple is nice
And it's changing my mind